Family Is Everything

Family is everything. I have heard so many say that on so many occasions I have no idea how to respond. Family for me is something to be avoided and kept at arm’s length. Although my mother is no longer with us, she was a very toxic element in my life, and I kept as far away from her as I could.

My father was abusive and mean when we were growing up. A few years ago he came to me and said, “When my father died I didn’t give a damn, and I don’t want you to feel the same about me when my time comes.” Since that day, we enjoyed a good friendship, and he was extremely generous and supportive. He paid my rent when I lost my job, helped pay the mortgage on the house, and even helped pay for lawyers.

Still, he had moments when he could be incredibly insensitive and mean. I will never forget last Father’s Day when I called him and asked if I could bring the kids down for the weekend. He called me back and told me no because he can’t deal with my son’s autism. You have no idea how much that hurt, and it took every ounce of strength I could muster not to lash out.

His wife has been a thorn in my side for the last twenty-five years. She goes out of her way to make me feel uncomfortable and inferior, and loves to put me down whenever she gets the chance. There are pictures of all of her grandchildren throughout her house, but there is not a single picture of mine. I suppose my father is partly to blame for this, but he does not interfere with matters of decorating the house, and lets her get away with it. Believe it or not, it hurts every time I walk into that house, knowing there is not one picture of my beautiful children to be found.

Beyond that, she emotionally abused my eleven-year-old daughter when she told her she could not have another piece of pie because she was too fat. Samantha was very upset about this and we talked about it on the way home. I told she was not fat, that she was a beautiful, little girl, and that my father’s wife was just mean. She agreed, and I made the decision not to go back there again.

With the publication of Harmony House, my father was so upset he told me he wanted nothing more to do with me ever again. Swiss Chocolate was just published, and so far he has said nothing about it. He did say that he would not read it, and to not market it in his area. I suppose he has taken the high road and simply chosen not to acknowledge it, which is truly a gift on his part.

For me, family means that when I am in trouble, the last place I can turn to is my family, because they don’t want anything to do with me, with the exception of my youngest sister, who is incredibly supportive and loving. However, she can’t handle hearing things that are a bit too intense and bring up unpleasant feelings. My oldest sister is so completely dysfunctional she has never held a job. My middle sister simply can’t deal with me, and although she read Swiss Chocolate, the only thing she could say about it was that it was difficult to read because it brought back so many painful memories. And I had to call her to find out how she liked it; she would never have called me.

Just recently I was granted a Default Judgment, and I am now divorced. Though I should be happy about this, there are still a lot of unresolved issues that need to be hammered out in court. So, if family is everything, who is my family? The answer is my children. They are my family. Nothing else matters but them. I need to focus on the love I have for my children to keep centered and my priorities in order.

I want Samantha to grow up knowing that she is loved and appreciated. And Andrew, although autistic, is a very bright, sweet young boy full of laughter and smiles. He can be a handful, but patience and understanding can go a long way if you try.

My children will ultimately be my salvation, and it is up to me to make sure they grow up having every opportunity I can give them. So, the next time someone tells me that family means everything, I will say, "True, but that only applies to my children."

That’s my answer. Honest, to the point, and no mincing words.

Love to you all!


James M. Weil