Today I met with both my psychiatrist and therapist. After committing myself into the inpatient clinic, it is protocol that an intake session be made to assess my mental health. Both of them lauded my decision to remove myself from Facebook indefinitely, and that my therapist and I would focus on my inability to control my impulses that seem to get me into so much trouble. In one fell swoop, I lost every friend I have, but I guess these were really never friends to begin with, so it doesn’t matter all that much.
I told them I was going to focus on my blog, and really work at networking with other bloggers. Again, both of them warned me about making posts about my disease and focusing on too much about what I am feeling. Yes, I know that blogging can be dangerous if you say the wrong things, and that posts you make can come back to haunt you, but I don’t use names and usually focus on what is going in my head and heart. Still, they told me that focusing on my disease would perpetuate my problems and could make matters worse.
I find writing about my disease is extremely cathartic, and although I may seem like a complete lunatic, that is not always the case. My problem is that I rapid cycle, meaning I swing into depression and mania rather quickly, sometimes to the extremes, but usually I stay close to my baseline, and I live a fairly drama free life.
My psychiatrist is going to start making major changes to my medication to keep me more stable. This will be gradual and done with extreme caution because the medication he wants to put me on can have rather nasty side effects. He told me we have lots of time to work on it, and it wouldn’t happen overnight.
My main concern is focusing on my job and getting my work out. That is one thing I cannot let slip. The last four years I have gotten glowing annual reviews, but my boss informed us this morning that our annual reviews would be given to us this week. I have a feeling this year’s review won’t be as good as the previous ones. There are definite issues I need to work on, and overall I have had a bad year as a result of my disease. Also, the publication of my debut novel has had some serious ramifications on my mental wellbeing, but Swiss Chocolate came out in January, so it didn’t impact my entire year.
I have two book events that I managed to setup on my own. One will be at River Road Books in Fair Haven, NJ this coming Saturday from noon to 2:00 pm. The other will be at Barnes & Noble at the Palisades Mall in West Nyack, NY on June 19 from 3:00 to 5:00 pm. I am excited about this, but I really have no idea of what kind of turnout I will have at River Road Books. The turnout at the Palisades Mall will depend upon what kind of promotion I can do in the immediate area. I am going to focus on local colleges, small business associations, and local area book clubs. I don’t have a lot of lead time, so I had better get busy.
Love to all!
James M. Weil
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