Writing from the Heart

My boss, having read Swiss Chocolate and then my unpublished manuscript, El Aguila, urged me to keep writing. I simply looked at her and told her that my main priority right now must be my job, and that I simply cannot write on demand. I need to be in a full-fledged manic episode to do any serious writing, and that could put my job in jeopardy. After all, my third novel Esmeralda, weighing in at 275 pages, was written in just under three weeks. I was half out of my mind when I wrote it, but it has gone up for editorial review three times. My publisher said he would take it if I wrote out the graphic sex, but he was unwilling to give me a contract, which I took as an act of incredible bad faith. It will be published eventually.

Last night I had a discussion with my doctor about being a writer with bipolar disorder. He cut back my meds because I am overmedicated. I told him that I am missing that edge in my psyche that I need to produce. He told me that I should try writing under controlled circumstances as a discipline, without being in mania.

And herein lays my problem: I can’t write unless it comes from somewhere deep inside me. Paul Gauguin once said that art is either plagiarism or revolution. Truer words were never spoken, which is why my work defies any real category. My publisher told me that he has published a lot of fantasy and science fiction, but so much of it, although well written, were just the same old stories told from a different angle. Isn’t this true of what we see on television and at the movies these days?

He went on to tell me that Swiss Chocolate was truly unique, and in a year or two it would make the bestsellers list. In fact, he was counting on it. Although flattered, I have a long ways to go before that happens. I am, however, nailing a lot of book events. In fact, the Barnes & Noble at the Palisades Center Mall in West Nyack, NY asked me back for another event in November! Now, that’s unusual.

My doctor was also concerned that if I started writing, it would trigger a manic episode, so I am in a real catch 22 situation. One thing is for certain, I have really been neglecting my blog, and I need to be making posts every day. I will make an effort to keep up with my blog posts. And maybe this weekend I will try my hand at a short story and see if I flip out!

Love to all!

James M. Weil