Saturday, August 31, 2013

Bipolar Depression

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.

This is my mantra. Several years ago I went into a deep, bipolar depression that lasted for months and months. Every morning I stood on the train platform waiting to catch the 8:07 to Penn Station, and debated whether or not I should throw myself in front of the oncoming train.
I talked to my doctor about this, and I told him that these were just thoughts, and thoughts do not necessarily translate into actions. The only reason he did not hospitalize me was because I convinced him that I would never act out on my thoughts of hurting myself. The bottom line is that I always knew, no matter how much I was suffering, that depression does not last forever. And I was right.
I learned a valuable lesson from all this: Most people get depressed because they feel sorry for themselves, and once they let go of hope, all hope is lost. At that point many bipolar people do end up hurting themselves.
Ever since that debilitating depressive episode, I have not gone into depression since. Life is a about choices, and although I do become manic at times, I will never allow my spirits to sink so low again. Depression is simply unacceptable.

Love to all!

James M. Weil