Anger is not Healthy

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There are times when my anger takes control over my psyche, and I find myself in a very dark place. Anger is one of my biggest issues, an unfortunate side-effect of child abuse and having your spirit crushed by callous parents. Years of torment by cruel children who seem to instinctively know when another is hurting and hone in on them and bully them relentlessly is yet another cross to bear, and can also leave deep scars. At least that was the case with me during my younger years.

It is during these times when I have to exercise a lot of self-control, and not allow my anger to get the best of me. There are times I do lash out, and I have no tolerance for abusive people. This took a long time to learn, because people who were abused as children internalize what they went through, and because their self-esteem has been ripped away from them, they gravitate toward relationships and situations that cause them more pain. It takes a lot of work and years of therapy to overcome these issues, and to break the pattern of self-abuse, and abusiveness toward others, which is often what happens to adults when they were abused as children. The cycle of child abuse is difficult to break, and it takes great courage, conviction and dedication to face your demons and exorcise them.

Most of my writing is my way of coping with my anger and pain, and therefore I write with brutal honesty. I have learned to be brutally honest in therapy and with my friends. Some can handle it, most cannot. As an editor and writer, I am compassionate toward others, and it is because of all that I went through I can empathize so well with so many people and the pain that everyone suffers from time to time.

However, when my anger roils and erupts from the depths of my psyche, I have a tendency to become extremely self-absorbed, self-destructive and destructive toward others. All of this is compounded by my bipolar disorder, which makes things even more complicated because of my many mood swings. But, believe it or not, it is my medication and talk therapy that keeps things balanced and in check.

I have a strong relationship with my children, a great job, a lot of success as a writer and editor, and I do have a strong, core group of loving, supportive friends who would do just about anything for me. For me, this is extremely important. My friendships are what sustain me, and without them I would be lost. They understand and know when my anger is coming on, or I am in danger of going into mania. They are, without a doubt, the most amazing people I have ever known.

Love to all!


James M. Weil